


A Fireside Chat

by franscats



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M, Sentinel Thursday Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-18 00:19:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3549011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/franscats/pseuds/franscats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Blair realizes he is avoiding Jim, he stops to question why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fireside Chat

**Author's Note:**

> This was done for the Sentinel Thursday Challenge #371 - Fire.  
> It is pre-slash, nothing explicit.

“Sandburg, my office,” Captain Simon Banks called. Blair looked up at his captain standing (or more accurately looming) in the doorway, his large body resting against the door. Jim had just left to head down to records and Blair’s sharp mind told him Simon wanted to discuss Jim and some butterflies immediately made their presence known in his stomach and started fluttering around.

Putting down the folder he had been reading, Blair walked past Simon and into the office and took a seat as the captain closed the door before walking to his desk and leaning against it, arms crossed. “What’s wrong with Jim?” he demanded softly and Blair looked up at him in confusion.

“Sir,” he asked, his face reflecting a lack of comprehension.

Simon uncrossed his arms, pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes before putting them back on his nose and his voice softened becoming more conspiratorial. “I asked him Monday if everything was okay, if his senses were bothering him.” Simon’s last words were whispered softly.

“He’d tell me if something were wrong with his senses,” Blair answered defensively. Jim’s senses were Blair’s realm and it was the one area in Jim’s life that Blair guarded almost jealously. 

“But something is wrong,” Simon answered. “And I thought you would know what it is.”

Blair considered the captain’s words. He hadn’t been home much in the last two weeks. He’d made some friends during his time at the academy and after graduation had kept in touch. This past weekend one of his academy friends had announced he was getting married and they had gone out to celebrate on Saturday night and out again on Sunday to meet the future missus. Three nights last week he had met with a bunch of friends from Rainier and two nights last week either he or Jim had come in late.

The weekend before, he had been out with some friends celebrating getting his doctorate, his dissertation comparing the police force as a paramilitary organization with tribal warrior classes and hierarchies having been accepted. He got his doctorate mainly because Jim had insisted that he follow up Rainier’s dismissal with legal action. Jim had helped him get a lawyer, and when it was made clear that Blair had never released the sentinel work - the lawyer citing that it was a work of fiction for a story he was writing since he couldn’t find any subjects - the lawyer had been able to get him reinstated on the grounds that his dismissal was unjustified. The lawyer had even gotten all his Rainier student loans paid by the publishing company for releasing his work without his authorization. It had been a nice little celebration but Blair hadn’t invited Jim thinking it might be a sore spot for his partner.

Actually, thinking it over, Blair hadn’t been home except to shower and sleep in the last two weeks. He had been out dating two different women and meeting with professors at a local college where he would be teaching a course twice a week in the fall. He loved teaching and just because things didn’t work out at Rainier he wasn’t going to give up anthropology. He intended to balance police work and teaching.

And in the last two weeks he hadn’t really worked with Jim so he hadn’t seen him at work either, except in passing. He’d been working with H. Rafe, H’s partner, had taken a bad fall while chasing a perp and had sprained his ankle. Simon would have assigned Megan to work with H until Rafe came back but the two did not get along and so he had been reassigned until Rafe returned. Simon had pointed out that since Megan knew about Jim things would work out.

But with Simon’s question, Blair realized he really had no contact with his partner for two weeks, actually even longer. “If it were serious he’d tell me,” Blair answered looking up at Simon with large blue eyes but inside he was suddenly feeling kind of sick with doubt. Not that he showed it to Simon. 

It was Friday and he quickly reviewed his schedule for this weekend. He had a date tonight with Mary, a girl he had met at the small college. Tomorrow he had a date with Louise, a girl he had met in the property clerk’s office and Sunday he was going to meet with some friends to hash out his syllabus for the coming term. Well, to hell with all of that, Jim came first.

“You sure about that Sandburg?” Simon asked and Blair nodded, despite the fact that he was anything but sure. “So find out what’s going on with your partner,” Simon answered straightening and going back to his desk.

“I’ll cancel some things I was doing this weekend and spend some time with Jim. If there’s something wrong I’ll find out.” Blair sounded assured but he suspected that it might not be as easy getting through Jim’s walls as it had been in the past. He hadn’t realized it until just now, but he had been slowly slipping away from his partner, and Jim in typical Ellison fashion hadn’t said anything about it. Okay, he told himself as he rose and left Simon’s office. It’s time to get in Jim’s face. 

Walking back into the bullpen, Blair glanced at H and smiled. “Any problems partner?” H whispered and Blair shook his head picking up the folder he had been reading. But his attention was shot and all he kept doing was looking for Jim and wondering if his senses were off kilter. Thinking back, Blair tried to remember the last time Jim zoned on anything. It had been months and yes he had spiked last month but that had lasted only a couple of seconds when a shrill alarm went off by his ear. Everyone else had winced at the high pitched loud alarm but for a sentinel the noise had been torturous. 

Glancing around again, Blair saw H watching him expectantly and he shrugged. “The usual H. How are we doing, how are Megan and Jim doing, has Jim tried to kill her yet.” H chuckled and turned back to the computer screen he was working at as Blair watched Megan walk in.

Megan was okay in Blair’s book. Actually more than okay since Blair discovered that the woman didn’t want to be more than friends with Jim. He refused to consider the implications of that thought, repressing them with a skill Jim would have envied. Time had also proved Megan trustworthy. She knew Jim was a sentinel and had never said a word except to Jim, Simon and Blair.

“Hey Megan,” Blair dropped the file, giving up any pretense at reading. “Want to get some coffee?” H looked over surprised and bit suspicious as Megan smiled.

“Sure Sandy,” she turned and walked out towards the break room, Blair following. Grabbing the pot of burnt coffee – it had been sitting and heating for the last couple of hours – Megan poured two cups and handed over one to Blair. “So how do you like being H’s partner?” she asked.

Blair knew the answer could be a loaded minefield and so smiled playing down the partnership. “He’s funny.”

Megan nodded and glanced around, grimacing as she tasted the coffee but sipping it anyway and Blair could tell she was waiting for him to bring up whatever he asked her in here to discuss.

“Megan how’s Jim been these last two weeks?”

“You mean besides being taciturn and unapproachable?” she asked with a laugh.

“Really,” Blair asked softly and Megan stopped. Despite the constant back and forth posturing Blair knew Megan considered Jim a friend.

Sighing she considered her answer. “We’ve been getting along too well, mate. No good natured barbs or threats.” She shook her head. “I kept thinking something was wrong but when I asked, Jim said he was fine.” She glanced around and moved closer to Blair. “Could it be the sentinel thing?”

“You’re the second person to ask me that,” Blair admitted walking to the sink and spilling his coffee before turning back. “Thanks Megan, I have some calls to make.” Blair headed back to the bullpen. He had two dates to cancel and a planning session to reschedule.

One positive result of working for the Cascade PD was that Blair had a real income. So he didn’t travel to and from work with Jim anymore since he no longer had a “classic” Volvo that he couldn’t relay on. Instead, he made his own way to and from work but on this particular day made a point of following Jim home to the loft and parking next to him all the while considering what he had seen in the bullpen. Or more precisely what he hadn’t.

After talking to Megan, Blair had gone back into the bullpen and canceled everything he had planned for the weekend, losing at least one girlfriend in the process (not that he really cared) and waited for Jim. When the sentinel had finally walked in from records, Blair had smiled at him and moved to his side. Jim had smiled back but Blair could swear it was not the smile of his best friend but of a casual acquaintance. Usually Jim would touch him, punch him lightly, mess with his hair, there was none of that. Ignoring the sense that something was wrong, Blair had asked if Jim had any special plans for the weekend and was relieved when Jim said he hadn’t. Blair found it odd that Jim didn’t ask him the same question but realized Jim probably assumed he wouldn’t be home. Up till an hour ago he would have been right. For what remained of the shift all Blair did was watch his partner as he interacted with his colleagues. Gone was the teasing, the good natured growling. Instead Jim worked steadily and quietly, completely focused on his tasks until he packed up, Blair on his heels and headed home.

The two took the elevator up to the apartment together, Blair trying to think of the best way to approach Jim as they made their way into the loft and removed their jackets, holsters, and secured their guns. He couldn’t exactly say, hey Jim you’ve been too quiet and not snarly, what’s wrong? No, that wouldn’t work exactly. Moving to the refrigerator he grabbed two beers, offering one to Jim who took the beer and looked at Blair.

“Not going out, Chief?” he asked as Blair turned to see what ingredients were available for dinner. There wasn’t that much there and Blair cursed realizing this week had been his turn to do the shopping and he hadn’t been around. He silently cursed again when he realized he was supposed to cook Monday and Wednesday, Jim Tuesday and Thursday, and the only leftovers in the frig were from Jim. He hadn’t been around to cook dinner either. Stopping to think for a minute, he considered what other jobs they shared that he hadn’t done. Jim always took care of the garbage, he said he couldn’t leave it around because of the smell and Jim always cleaned bathroom drains but Blair was supposed to clean the bathroom at least once a week and he hadn’t but he was sure if he walked in, the bathroom would be spotless.

“No. I thought we might catch up, watch a game, hang out together. I’ll order in some food and we can relax. Sorry I didn’t shop this week, I guess I got distracted with getting ready for the fall term.”

“No problem,” Jim answered taking the beer and sitting down on the couch, his long legs stretching out in front of him as he closed his eyes and downed some of his drink.

“I’ll go shopping tomorrow morning and make us a really good dinner. How’s that sound?”

Jim nodded. “I was going to paint the railings this weekend. I’ll start while you’re out shopping.”

Blair looked at the railings and back at Jim, frowning, his mood shifting without him even noticing. “Jim, we’ve talked about this before. You should not be near paint fumes.” Blair turned again to the railing seeing the closed in areas where the fumes would be concentrated. “What kind of paint did you get?” he demanded, not noticing how angry his voice had gotten in just the few seconds.

“Railing paint, what else.” Jim answered, putting down his beer bottle and looking at Blair.

“Didn’t I tell you, you can’t be around that stuff? Damn it Jim you don’t listen. That stuff is bad for a normal person. It’s got to be worse for you. You can’t do railings. You can’t paint. You can’t work with harsh chemicals or smells. And I don’t want to have to tell you this again,” Blair demanded, his voice rising in volume, anger evident in each word as he turned back to Jim. And then Blair stopped, hearing his own voice, his words, and seeing the hurt look on Jim’s face, which quickly transformed to stone. When had he become this shrill, demanding person? And when had he decided he could dictate and control his sentinel? Which obviously he couldn’t, Jim had simply waited till he assumed Blair wouldn’t be around and planned on taking care of things; things around the apartment that Blair should have volunteered to do since they could really be bad for Jim. And just how many times had that hurt look appeared before he noticed.

Shame at his own actions and words made him look away. “I’m sorry,” Blair brought his voice lower and picked up his beer, ignoring how his hand shook holding the bottle. “I didn’t mean to yell, it’s just that I worry about you.”

Jim shrugged and picking up his beer bottle turned away, saying nothing and Blair came into the living room and took a seat. “Jim, I really am sorry.”

“It’s okay Chief. It’s been a long week, you’re just tired.”

“That’s no excuse.” Blair answered so quietly only a sentinel would hear as he wondered what other possibly hazardous tasks Jim had been doing while he was playing with his new found friends. He wondered how long he had been dictating to Jim instead of talking to him? How much ground he had lost in their friendship? How much ground he would be able to recover? In a moment of insight, he realized he hadn’t been acting like a friend at all, more like some kind of owner and Jim was a prized pet. Even at work in the last few months, since he had become Jim’s official partner, he hadn’t been so much supporting of Jim using his senses as demanding. Of course Jim would start to withdraw. He had too much on his plate between the pressure of the job, the pressure of being who and what he was and his guide’s less than stellar support. And Jim would have no one to confide in. If he talked to Simon the captain would put him on desk duty – something the sentinel would hate. He didn’t have the kind of relationship with Megan that he could talk to her and Blair realized with his own attitude so possessive, demanding and dictatorial he was unapproachable. Feeling slightly sick Blair pushed back his hair and looked at his sentinel. “Listen, how about you go do the shopping in the morning and I’ll do the railings and then I’ll open all the windows and we can do some walking by the bay and then go out to dinner?”

“You don’t have to,” Jim answered. “I bought some painter’s masks and I can do it. I’m sure you have plans.”

Blair bit back the reflex that made him want to argue that nothing less than an oxygen mask would work for Jim. And even that might not be good enough for a sentinel. Instead, he smiled. “I’m home this weekend and I want to do it.”

Jim nodded as Blair got up and made his way to the phone, ordering pizza with all the toppings Jim liked, not bothering to make his usual token complaint about the unhealthy grease content. As a guide he had a great deal to consider.

That night they watched the game, they drank a few beers, they kept the conversation light but Blair could tell it wasn’t the easy light banter they usually shared. It was forced and he wondered how long it had been. Soon after the game Jim had said good-night and gone up to read before sleep. Getting himself ready for bed, Blair felt the butterflies revisit. He was losing Jim and he had to understand why. So he tossed and turned for a while as he went over every thing they had done together since he became Jim’s partner. Finally, getting up, he went into the living room and started up the fireplace before lighting some candles to meditate. Sitting cross legged on the floor he stared into the flame and cleared his mind, taking deep breaths as he envisioned Jim. Slowly he relaxed and when he was calm he let his thoughts roam. Yes, he had been demanding that Jim use his abilities only in certain ways and possibly his attitude had been hurting Jim in the process but he had been doing it to protect his sentinel. Yes, he had to some extent been avoiding Jim lately, spending his nights and weekends away. And yes, he stayed away because he was in love with the man and it hurt to be close and not be able to make love to him.

Blair’s eyes shot open in shock and he almost groaned in dismay as he realized what he had always known but had repressed and lied to himself about. He was in love with his partner. All the demands, the anger, the avoidance came down to the fact that he loved Jim and didn’t know if Jim would be willing and able to love him in the same way. Blowing out the candles Blair tried to think of what he should do as he stared into the fireplace, his knees drawn up with his arms around his legs, and his chin resting on his legs. He kept asking himself if he could gamble the rest of his life on a chance that Jim might be receptive.

He was still going over his thoughts when he heard Jim call his name. Looking up at the silhouette of his partner, framed by the light of the fire, Blair had smiled. “Jim,” he whispered softly and patted the floor next to him in invitation.

“You okay Chief?”

“Yeah, I’m fine but there are some things we need to talk about.” Jim didn’t answer but slid down onto the floor beside Blair, his back leaning against the couch one leg bent at the knee, an arm on that knee holding up his head as he watched Blair.

“I want to start by saying I’m sorry. I’ve been avoiding you.”

Jim started to answer but Blair put a finger over Jim’s lip. “Please let me finish. It might be the last conversation we ever have and I want, no I have to say it all.” He looked over at Jim silently begging, knowing the sentinel could see him clearly even in the low lighting of the fireplace. After a moment Jim nodded and Blair took a breath. This was the moment he was going to gamble everything on because truthfully he had nothing left to lose. He was already losing Jim slowly. “I want you to know I love you, I’ve loved you for a long time and just haven’t admitted it to myself or you.” Blair could see Jim was about to speak but then had stopped. “I’ve been staying away because it hurts too much to be here and not be able to hold you, to kiss you, to make love to you.” He glanced into the fire. “I know I’m supposed to be your friend and I am but I want to be so much more and I guess I’ve been hurting you because of it.” Blair stopped and turned to Jim holding his breath.

Jim watched him for several minutes and then reached out a hand to caress Blair’s cheek. “I thought you were leaving me,” Jim answered softly. “I thought you’d had enough of the sentinel thing and wanted out.”

“Out, never man.”

“With all the yelling you’ve been doing lately, I thought you’d had enough.”

“The yelling is because I want to protect you but the only way I’d leave is if you threw me out.” Blair let his hand close over Jim’s as it still rested against Blair’s cheek. 

“I love you to Blair and I’ve been going crazy trying to figure out how I was going to live without you,” Jim answered and Blair leaned forward, the firelight reflected in his eyes, as he moved to kiss his sentinel.


End file.
